- Empathy and Attuning: “I finally nailed it! I’ve been working on attuning to people’s needs more and being an empathetic friend. It’s not easy for me. I feel really awkward and out of place trying to be empathetic rather than voicing my opinion and trying to fix things. But this week, I did it!”
… 6 days later …
I’m cracking up at this currently. I wrote this last week shortly after sending out my last 5 Steps blog. Here I am now, staring at this “I’ve finally nailed it at empathy and attuning section” realizing how little did I know. At the same time, I’m really grateful that I am having that response, because thanks to a huge emotional meltdown I went through shortly after writing that, I have realized that 1) Doing empathy and being empathetic are quite different, it’s really the “being” that I’m after. And thankfully, because of that emotional meltdown-turned-work through experience, I felt for the first time in my adult life what it was like being empathic, rather than “doing” it. And it felt wonderful. And natural. I want more of my life of being empathetic to those around me than trying to do empathy (though, I’m sure it was the trying that helped me morph into being able to “be!”) Either way, this was a win J.
- The Saddle Saga is…. Over?! You may or may not remember the joy ride Rocki took on her own a month or so ago which resulted in a dressage saddle down. I have since agonized over what to do. I’ve googled “dressage barrel racing saddles” a million of times and searched through the depths of the google dungeon. I creatively shipped two saddles from Alabama to trial. There is so much about them that I loved, but so much that wasn’t quite right (thanks Jeff Moore for helping). Then, my mom reminded me of Dave Morrison, who helped me remove blocks out of my dressage saddle a few months ago who is a great saddle maker and fitter, and lives just a few miles down the road from us. I thought “sure, I’d love more opinions on these saddles.” Little did I know that by the end of my nearly endless questions, I realized he could actually fulfill the needs I had in a saddle and it didn’t have to be something complicated or… dressage! He measured my horses – miraculously Rocki and Birdie needed the same saddle out of 5 measurements(!)- and by the end of the afternoon meet, the saddle was ordered and my agonizing was replaced with relief and excitement. Now I get to practice my patience as I wait for the tree to be made. Then the real fun of the designing comes! So much came from this broken saddle, I plan to use some of the leather to accent on my new saddle as a reminder of what came from seemingly bad fortune. Yah knows.
- So Much More than a Coach: Through connections with Kim at WBBD, I was reunited with Janet Miller (Parable Coaching & Counseling) who also was in the same Aleph Tav Body Practitioner class with me in Dec. of 2022. Though I had realized I needed support in this dream, I had never really thought of having a coach. But when Kim mentioned Janet to me, a light bulb went off and I knew it was a connection meant to happen.We just had our first official session last week and the recap was: “Freezing.” “I’m not valued.” “Stuck.” “My feelings aren’t important.” “No one to help me.” “Perfectionism and Safety.” If it sounds intense, it was. If it sounds depressing, it wasn’t. Most of these ideas were from well into my past that are still showing up in my today, even though it’s not reality today. Recognizing that these are still lingering in my life and being able to step alongside and work through them is a huge part of what is giving my life that “greater.” It affects my whole life, riding included. I’m so grateful that this crazy dream is what gave me the courage to have a “coach” to “help my competition mind” but really it’s helping my life. Thank you, Janet!
- Fast fruit: One of the points that Janet and I dove into in our session was this feeling of “freezing / feeling stuck” I first recognized while playing pickleball (yes, you read that right; pickleball giving me life lessons🤣), but I could trace it in my parenting, riding; everywhere. I was actually physically “freezing cold” the past month or so. Janet had the insight that after I “announced” the dream, this shift happened. Birdie started avoiding me in the pasture, but oddly Dean started following me around. I had been riding in negative degree weather, snow, rain, wind – It didn’t matter. Now, I was “freezing” in 50-degree weather and too cold to ride. Ah. It got real. Perfectionism started coming in to the picture because now failure would be public. Perfectionism felt like the safety net I needed. Janet asked me if Birdie was avoiding me because I was expecting her to be perfect now, and she knew she wasn’t. Bingo. We also gathered that Birdie has always been valued in her life, whereas Dean has been devalued in her past, which explained why Dean was trying to reach out to me now that I was in this place of “not enough” while Birdie was modeling to me the Brenè Brown’s “Don’t Negotiate Who You Are” approach. What a powerful dynamic these two lead mares own. “I wonder if you go out there now if she’ll come to you. It’ll be interesting to see.” Janet said. I responded, “I don’t need to see it, Janet. I know she will.” And I really did. I went out to the pasture later that day. About 30 feet away, Birdie started her journey away from me so I stopped and said something along the lines of: “Birdie, I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for asking you to be more than you are. You are perfect just how you are. I value you. Thank you for modeling how to not compromise to me. Do you forgive me?” She was not facing me when I was talking, but her head was turned and her eye stayed on me for my whole speech. After that, I started to approach her again, and not to my surprise, she stood right there and poked her head in the halter. A month of being avoided and after one genuine apology, the struggle was over. That is what I call “fast fruit.”
- Life isn’t easier; but it sure is greater: I was reflecting this morning about all of the growth I’ve had over the past year. It’s huge. I honestly can’t even put it into words if I tried, because it encompasses every inch of my life: spiritual, physical, mental, emotional. All of it. I have so much gratitude for Kim at Well-Being by Design (the whole team there), Discovering MErcy program, great friends (Laura, Tara & so many more) for being instrumental in this growth. And my husband for never shying away from the endless questions and midnight discussions that have stemmed from these challenges to everything we thought we knew, as well as my daughter for modeling so much to me. I realized that because of this growth, life isn’t any easier, but my goodness, is it so much deeper, greater, fuller. I’m becoming more and more of the person who I not just “want” to be, but who I’m created to be. The shalom that comes from this perfect union is… indescribable. It’s just right. It’s really right. And I want more of that in my life.
5 Steps Closer, thank you for coming along.
Nicole & The Team,
Uriah, Kadima, Birdie, Blondie, Dean, Grace, Rocki, Salily, Shasta & Shmini
